I’m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

I can’t find my ‘Gone in 60 seconds’ DVD.  
It was here a minute ago.

My son got angry when I told him “Sky is the limit for you”.
He wants to be an astronaut.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
I now have Heinzsight.

What do you get when you mix beans and peanut butter?

A fart that sticks to the roof of your ass.

Why did the lion spit out the clown?

He tasted a little funny.

What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick.

Especially because his name is Steven.

Did you hear about the giraffe race?

It was neck and neck.

Did you hear a giraffe can grow up to 16 feet?

Normally they only grow 4.

Giraffes look down on people like you.

When a person is dead, they don’t know their dead.
The same can be said about a person who is stupid.

Have you ever smacked an orphan in the face?

Why not, its not like he’s going to tell his parents.

When someone says “you probably think I’m a space cadet”

Reply with, “No I don’t.  Do realize how hard it is to get in the space program.”

So life is all about perspective.

For example:
I know a guy that has sex 4 times a day Works out twice a day And reads 3 book a week

Yet he still complains about being in prison.

What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a boy scout?

A person everyone looks up to

Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?

It’s a long one

I’m gonna have to stick my neck out and say these are some funny jokes

Why don’t giraffes make good pets? They’re too high maintenance.